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It's Okay to Not be Okay

It's Okay to Not be Okay

Kinanti Desyanandini writes to Em about bullying, the courage to talk and how she lifts her spirits.

“When I feel down, yes, I do wallow a bit. But what helps me most is to think about the good things in life, which is easier said than done.”
— Kinanti Desyanandini

Dear Em,

I’m Kinanti, a product design student at AUT, but that’s not what I think defines myself most, despite how passionate I am about what I do.

I think what defines people is their character and goals - but what’s most important is their own perception of themselves and who they want to be. 

You might’ve heard of my Kind Online campaign from Web Rangers last year on Instagram;  just like how you mention your friends on funny facebook meme posts - this was an account full of positive compliment memes you could mention your friends in so people could share positivity online.

Personally, I have lots of dreams  works in progress about making the world a better place - one bit at a time, as cliche as it is.

In the past, I’ve experienced bullying and unwanted advances, leading to deeply rooted feelings of rejection, inadequacy, self-blame, etc.

This has inspired me to contribute more to make things better, just like doing the Kind Online campaign and working with Youthline.

It definitely takes a lot of courage to open up and ask for help. I totally know the feeling of not wanting to tell others, whether it's friends, family, or a counsellor - about how you feel or what’s happened because you don’t trust that they’ll support you the way you want them to, or because you don’t think that they can handle hearing your story.

But it’s okay to not be okay all the time, it’s completely human and it’s also totally okay to ask for help, even if it’s just bits and bobs.

When I feel down, yes, I do wallow a bit. But what helps me most is to think about the good things in life, which is easier said than done. Some little things I do that I find helpful are:

  • Writing down the things that make me happy, when I’m happy, so when I feel down and can’t think of good things, it’s right there.
  • Writing down how I honestly feel when things aren’t so good sometimes - I find that writing for yourself and trying to be as frank as possible helps. I then try to figure out either myself or how to fix the problem.
  • Exercising also helps - personally, I enjoy running or swimming.
  • If you truly feel comfortable, talking to someone definitely helps - as long as you feel like its a mutual trust.

If I have advice to young brilliant women, like the readers of Em, that might be going through tough times or want to support someone going through tough times, it would be to just let each other do whatever is comfortable and makes both sides happy, and trust or open up in your own pace. It might not be a conventional friendship, but if it works for you guys, and everyone involved is happy, then why not.

Written by Kinanti Desyanandini

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