Jun 10

Jun 10 From Silence to Strength

The beginning of my journey

I am sexual abuse and rape survivor. It started when I was nine and continued for many years. I became hypersexual, seeking out risky situations to get some validation. For a long time, I felt imprisoned by my relentless, self-sabotaging thoughts and contemplated ending it all.

Silhouettes of horses, a rabbit, and a spider.

I searched deep within myself to find purpose and the will to survive and thrive. My dad, who was brought up on the family farm, loved the companionship of animals. He taught me how to care for insects, arachnids, and rabbits and how to interact with the neighbour's horses. Caring for these beautiful beings made me feel more connected to the world.

When I was 12, my parents ended their marriage and moved their separate ways. Not long after, my dear dad collapsed in front of me and my brother. After a stroke damaged the left side of his brain, the right side of his body never moved the same again. He dragged it with him for the rest of his life. He was also diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. It was devastating news, but I was motivated to care for my dad. My darling mum's health also suffered – she had some extraordinarily tough life circumstances to contend with. My parents are my best friends and were my number one cheerleaders, and it gave me great purpose to give back to them what they gave to me.

Finding what helped me to cope and heal

It can be hard to see the wood for the trees when darkness invades your life, throwing curveball after curveball. I chased every glimmer light that flickered in my direction – ever hopeful of a positive outcome. It's easy to be consumed by negative thoughts, and breaking away from it can sometimes feel impossible. What helped to centre me was being in the present moment.

A visual representation of the box breathing technique, that shows each step of breathing in, holding, breathing out, and holding again for 4 seconds each, laid out in a square.

I like practising a few breathing techniques, depending on the situation. When it comes to big decisions or stressful situations, I breathe in for a count of 4 and exhale for a count of 6 for up to 10 breaths or more. For nervous system regulation, I like the 4 - 7 - 8 (inhale - hold - exhale) technique or box breathing inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. To regulate my emotions and manage stress levels, I talk to my husband and family, write my feelings down, exercise regularly and play music. Ensuring a good night's rest is of utmost priority, as when I'm sleep-deprived for even one night, it's far more challenging to regulate my emotions and make healthy decisions.

I have previously seen therapists and psychologists under ACC-sensitive claims. I found the tools and techniques learned during those sessions particularly helpful. Art therapy and writing also provided me with an expressive outlet that connected me to my emotions. Sharing my story of the many adversities I faced over the decades has empowered me by allowing me to have a voice that is heard and is no longer silenced. There is great power in sharing one's story, and it can feel like a weight off your shoulders.

Using my passion to help others

I have always been passionate about human health and intrigued with the human mind and body. Taking every opportunity to grow and learn, I wanted to share that acquired knowledge with others to aid in their health and well-being journey. Although it is important to have introspective time to gain a deeper connection with yourself, it is imperative to look outside yourself and help others when possible. It made sense for me to become a health coach, combining passion with profession, internal growth and seeing others grow. I also regularly volunteer for Sea Shepherd NZ and have helped hundreds of rescue of animals find forever homes (including 90+ that we personally took in).

My message to you

A photo of Sylvia smiling with her hair in the wind.

Life is not linear and regularly throws a spanner in the works. My parents, who gave me unconditional love and purpose through the years, took their final breaths unexpectedly and far too young. I wholeheartedly love and appreciate them, and all the rescue animals we brought in that saved me when I was too young to comprehend what was happening. Everything I learned over the years was put into practice, allowing me to be resilient through the most painful times.

No matter how hard life is, you can make it through and live a beautiful life. Take yourself to the present moment, focus on your breath, focus on the things you are grateful for. Create a support network that you can reach out to in times of need and know that you are loved. Very loved.

Kia kaha wahine toa.

By Sylvia Philcox

If you or someone you know have experienced sexual abuse, or you are just needing someone to talk to, click here to go to our Who To Reach Out To page and find out more about some of the helpful services who are there to support you on your healing journey.